"Twilight? We're not supposed to have a nuclear program. I can see the silo all the way from my bedroom window. Take it down, please."
"To answer your question, yes. Yes I'm technically queen. "Princess Celestia" just rolls off the tongue better since you have two 'ess' and 'suh' sounds in alternation. Queen Celestia just doesn't do it for me; I may as well call myself Windowless-Free-Candy-Fun-Van Celestia."
"I sense the show's ratings are at an all-time low. I'm sending Derpy to eat your mail box while Vinyl Scratch plays dubstep in the background so Luna can appear and do a head-spin. I'm also sending you a new mailbox. It'll have the words 'Beware of Dawg' with your silhoulette underneath it."
"Ever noticed how the number of stallions slowly grew as the show progressed from episode 1 to 52? At this rate you'll all be the 'MAN 6' by the time season 8 hits."
"Uh... Twilight? Friendship is not 'a being who is mutually attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard'; we're not busting out the Freudian Theory here. It's magic. Friendship is magic."
"Did you seriously just ask me if we can have Discord over in the next Grand Galloping Gala? **** me sideways with a teapot; why didn't I think of that?!"
"Twilight, I'm sending you a beefy research grant. I want to figure out how Mr and Mrs Cake were able to baby. How did they baby? Who do they baby? Does baby know when Swiper is Swiping? Where does baby, and why?"
"Looks like I'm in for a hard week. Every time I enter a room Luna shouts 'RELEASE THE CRACKER!' "
"OH. YOU WANT A RAP BATTLE? BRING IT! Lyrical miracle spiritual empirical individual in your swimming pool stimming cool to this rhyming fool! Brighter than the divine, disagree and you can find a monolith in your behind where the sun don't shine. Shove it in even further, this is the inquisition; thought an MC like you could murder? You're in a bad 'position'. Superstition? I AM the omniforce! Pack in more myths then I'm of course the apocalypse horse. If you're trying to outshine the sun Goddess you're doing a bad job; it's like trying to out-mine a diamond dog. I can take out your head cogs; it'll only have two parts. One controls terrible rapping and the other just makes farts. Hey, you stepped near a bog and the bog quelched; I saw your G1 appearance through the fog; I almost belched. Call yourself a dope MC? You live in a tree! You may as well be in a pineapple under the sea! I'll float you some decent raps; in a Snapple jar! Now you're grappled sub sea level, AND sub par!
Lol I should be at a tax meeting now but this banter is too fun."
"Do you happen to know a spell that can stop Luna from referencing video games all the time? Recently she picked up this game called 'Sledgehammer 40' or whatever. Now she can't finish a paragraph without something like 'Praise the Emperor', 'Long live the Emperor', 'For Terra!', and so on. At first I found it a little endearing... until she started running through Canterlot yelling things like 'PURGE THE HERETICS; FIND THE LARGEST GUN YOU OWN, AND STAND WITH ME!' What's a gun?"
"Did you seriously try to conduct a study on Pinkie Pie's ESP? Girl, you can't even explain why bread goes in and toast comes out."
"Is this letter a joke? You say here that you found this unicorn wielding a magical amulet that loosely resembled the Nazi Eagle symbol and its colour scheme. It increased her magical abilities, can only be removed by this unicorn wearing it, but corrupted her in return. I honestly don't care where you dispose of it; I just want to know what kind of weird pony sits in a cave all day thinking up all these weird enchantments. Do you remember Queen Chrysalis? Get this; she stored a pair of earrings in Princess Cadenza's drawers so that it randomly shouted out racial slurs. It made for a very awkward dinner party that night."
"Whoa. Really? I had no idea. I am... so sorry. I guess that explains why everyone laughed when I told everyone to 'starting clopping for Twilight'. I swear I thought it was a clever spin on the word 'clap'."
" 'If you're the sun goddess how come you can't get a tan?' Really, Twilight? If I tanned at all; your sun goddess would look like Snooki by day's end."